How The Con Men Stole Life Day
by Lux's Sister
Summary: The Empire has ruined a great many things. If a group of con men have anything to say about it, Life Day isn't going to be one of them. Tarkin the Grinch doesn't stand a chance against Father Life Day's most unorthodox helpers.


**HOW THE CON MEN STOLE LIFE DAY**

 **by LS**

"No."

Lux Bonteri usually didn't hear that word from his team, but especially not from this person.

"'No?'" he echoed, unable to believe his ears. "What do you mean, 'no'?"

"I mean _no,"_ Saw elucidated, kicking back in his seat. "I don't work on Life Day Eve."

"Saw, seriously," Sierra squabbled back. "Lots of people work on Life Day."

"Yeah? Like who?"

"Firefighters," Hero broke in. "Doctors and nurses, police officers, emergency responders -."

"We're not any of those!" Saw protested. "We're just a bunch of con men!"

"We're sort of like first responders," Ahsoka mulled.

"And criminals commit crimes on Life Day!" Steela shouted triumphantly. "So you don't have any excuse for not working."

Saw shot his sister a look as if he was contemplating sororicide. "I understand that some people work, but is this work really necessary? Couldn't we do it, like, the day after Life Day?"

"Not really," Hutch admitted and looked back at his computer display. "Senator Organa says the Empire, led by our _absolute favorite person ever_ Grand Moff Tarkin, is planning to punish a planet who 'forgot' to display their Imperial flags on Empire Day by wrecking their Life Day celebrations. He's going to sabotage their annual festival so nothing works, probably get all the fake Father Life Day actors drunk, and generally be an enormous Grinch to these people."

"Why am I not surprised?" Ahsoka and Steela said in unison and rolled their eyes.

"He can't be that big of a Grinch," Katooni said weakly, clutching her arms around her favorite Life Day sweater, the one with little bells sewn on the front.

Steela shook her head. "When I was in the Lazarus Project, Tandin gave me a sparklemint stick on Life Day Eve and I was going to save it for midnight. Tarkin took it and ate it. In front of me. _On Life Day Eve."_

"He's the biggest Grinch you can imagine," Ahsoka confirmed. "And we're not letting him ruin Life Day for other people like he did in the past. Saw, I don't care if you don't want to work on the holidays. We're going to stoop to the Grinch's level and go steal it."

…

"Okay, so the annual festival is held in the historic downtown," Sierra relayed while sipping from a caf cup and leading her team down the main street. She'd scouted out the festival grounds beforehand. "In years past, there have been lights everywhere, refreshments, music, gifts, and visits from Father Life Day."

Lux swiped the cup out of his sister's hands, took a swig, and made a face. "Ugh! Sierra, what kind of caf _is_ that? It's nothing but sugar and sparklemint!"

"It's not caf at all," Sierra snapped and grabbed her cup back. "It's hot chocolate with sparklemint flavoring, and I like it. It helps me feel the Life Day cheer."

Lux shuddered. "At least it's not as bad as Tav's endless caroling."

"Maybe you should take him to the kids' area. Anyway, I sent Hutch over to the main lighting display to make sure Tarkin isn't doing anything funny with the lights. The refreshment stations are nearby and Hero's scouting those, but they're mostly private vendors so I'm not worried about them that much. What I _am_ worried about is the main attraction."

"And that is..?"

"Father Life Day." Sierra stopped and pointed down the block to where a huge castle facade was erected out of plywood. "I'm counting everything that can possibly go wrong, and I'm running out of fingers to count on."

The others understood immediately. The plywood castle could collapse, an elf could go rogue, Father Life Day could show up drunk or vulgar or (force forbid) not at all; the options for mayhem really were endless.

Lux read Sierra's mind. "That has to be our primary objective and base of operations."

"My thoughts exactly. Any questions."

"Yeah, one," Steela crossed her arms. "If we're supposed to be working with the castle, then why did you stop us here?"

As an answer Sierra turned to the shop window they'd stopped next to and gazed longingly inside.

Steela facepalmed. _Of course._ She should have known the second she realized they were next to a shoe store.

"Just in case any of you forgot to get me something for Life Day," Sierra said and caressed a pair of heeled boots with her eyes. "If they come in gray, that's even better."

Ahsoka came up to the window. "Actually Lux, those black boots next to it are pretty nice too."

Lux froze for a second, then collected himself. "I'll have to keep that in mind, Soka. Until then, let's split up. Ladies, you check one side of the castle. Guys, you come with me and we'll check the other."

…

As they approached the castle Saw closed ranks with his brother and whispered "What did you get her?"

"A-a sweater," Lux squeaked.

Saw looked at him like he was crazy. "Ahsoka doesn't wear sweaters. She's always complaining that she's too hot."

"I know that!" Lux sighed. "I couldn't think of anything else to get her."

"Well, she just gave you a pretty good idea now," Saw smiled. "At least you know she'll be happy."

"Right. Did you also pick up on the fact that pulling that stunt was Sierra's not-so-subtle way of saying 'get me the boots for Life Day, Saw'?"

"She didn't say it just to me," Saw sputtered. "She could have been talking to you."

"No, she wasn't," Lux announced. "Because she knows that I always get her a Life Day present, even if it's something small. You, on the other hand, wrote your name on Steela's gift last year so she would think it was from both of you."

"In my defense, I gave Steela some credits for it."

"You didn't even know what was in the box."

Which was probably for the best. If Saw had known that Steela bought Sierra a set of pink soaps that smelled more like candy than anything else, even Saw's love for his baby sister couldn't have gotten him to put his name on the gift tag.

He decided to switch the subject. "Did you see the price tag on those boots? I can't afford that!"

"Then get a knockoff, or get her something else entirely. All I'm saying is that you need to get her something. Your days of slacking off on Life Day presents are over, Saw. You have to get all of us something, even if it's credits or a pack of chewstim."

Tandin placed his hands on both their shoulders. "Well gentlemen, remember while you're doing your shopping that we have a job to do here. Father Life Day's castle won't run itself with Tarkin meddling."

"Which is why we're taking away one of his variables," Lux said and gestured to the stage where Father Life Day would make his appearance. "Sierra had a point when she said that Tarkin might try to mess with the guy in costume by getting him drunk or kidnapping him."

He turned to Tandin and sized him up.

"What is it?" Tandin asked, even though he feared he already knew.

Saw tossed his arms around his shoulder. "Oh, this is gonna be perfect. You always said you wanted to be a dad, Tandin. And you're just so...jolly."

"No."

"Oh, yes," Saw said, relishing every word. "Put on a beard and a red suit, Pops. The kids are going to love you."

They heard the sound of their crew members snickering through the comm.

"Oh, go ahead and laugh," Tandin muttered. "If I go down, you're all going down with me. Those elf costumes should fit some of you."

…

In the breaker room Hutch St. James smiled for a second at the thought of his crew in elf costumes before the gravity of the situation hit him again.

" _Hutch? How's it looking in there?"_ Hero asksed

"Honestly, not good. Tarkin definitely wanted to mess with the lights." He played the light from his glowlamp over the bundle of wires. "The problem is, I don't know how to fix it."

" _You're the Cashier from Hell. Master of all things electronic."_

Hutch let out a breath of exasperation. "Yeah, but hacking involves software, and electric lights? Cords and stuff? That's all hardware. This is completely out of my skill set; we need to get an electrician."

" _We don't have time to get an electrician, Dad."_ Katooni broke in. _"And you hook up cords and things with your computer."_

" _Hutch, you're all we have,"_ Lux said. _"The rest of us are all busy with other things, and you're the closest thing we have to a light expert."_

"Lux, you've used Life Day lights before, right? You realize that all Tarkin needs to do is crush one bulb, and the whole display will go out?"

" _Well, you'd better check all of them then."_

Hutch groaned, and went back to his work.

…

"And here he is!" Katooni squealed in an elf voice fueled by sugar and an ungodly amount of holiday cheer. "Father Life Day!"

Tandin trudged onto the stage, deaf to the cheers from the audience.

Katooni glared at him and his sour mood in her elf getup. "You have to be jolly for the kids. Tarkin's already planning on ruining their Life Day."

 _Why didn't Lux take this job?_ Tandin mentally lamented. Yes, he had salt-and-pepper hair and a walrus mustache that lent itself well to the Father Life Day appearance, but shoving himself into the heavily padded costume was a different matter entirely. It was sweaty, it was uncomfortable, and he was not feeling jolly at all.

Katooni pointed at his throne with a sparklemint stick. "I don't usually order people around, but go sit down and be happy for them!"

Tandin all but stomped over to his throne. But when his padded rear end touched the seat, a sparkle of electricity ran up his spine. Because he was sitting on a throne.

Once again, and maybe for the very last time, he was a king and these were his subjects.

And a king only has one purpose for his subjects: to serve them and make them happy as long as he can.

So Tandin straightened his back, extended his arms and let out a hearty "HO HO HO!"

…

"Un-freaking-beliveable," Hutch muttered under his breath and un-muted his comm. "Lux, I think I found out what Tarkin did to the lights."

" _What is it?"_

He re-examined the cords with his glowlamp light. "He went old-fashioned. It looks like he's crossed wires and plugged things into the wrong plugs. I'm not an electrician, but I think if someone turns these lights on the bulbs will blow out."

" _Well then fix it,"_ Saw snapped.

Hutch made a strangled sound. "Excuse me Saw and allow me to repeat myself: I am not an electrician. We only have one shot to arrange everything correctly, or the whole thing will blow."

There was silence on the line for a minute.

" _Well…good luck?"_

Hutch resisted the urge to scream and turned his attention back to the lights.

…

"And here he is," Katooni squealed, handing a kid over to Tandin. "Father Life Day!"

"Ho ho ho!" Tandin laughed and took the child into his lap. "What's your name, my boy?"

"Bobby," the little boy said quietly.

"What would you like for Life Day?"

Bobby looked nervously into the crowd where his parents were. "I wanna model starship, with lights that blink."

"A model starship with lights that blink?" Tandin repeated. "I'll send that request up to my elves and see what we can do about it. But first I need to ask another question- have you been good, Bobby?"

This time Bobby nodded in earnest. "Uh huh. I listen to Mama and Papa, and I do all my chores!"

"Oh, that's wonderful. Happy Life Day!"

Katooni plucked Bobby from Tandin's lap and handed him a sparklemint stick. "Happy Life Day!" She chirped and grabbed the next kid in line, a little girl.

The girl had barely settled onto Tandin's lap before Katooni went to grab a sparklemint stick for her, only to find the bowl gone and replaced by a crisp Imperial uniform.

Katooni followed the uniform up the face of the man wearing it, who was also holding her bowl of sparklemint sticks.

"Oh, hello Governor Tarkin! Would you like to speak to Father Life Day?"

Tarkin shook his head. "No. I was here for the sparklemint sticks," he said and grabbed about five.

"Ho, ho, ho!" Tandin laughed. "Mr. Tarkin, let's not take candy from little girls, shall we?"

Tarkin reflexively dropped the candy back into the bowl and narrowed his eyes at the resident Father Life Day.

 _Taking candy from little girls._ He recalled overhearing something similar, years earlier when he ate Steela Gerrera's sparklemint stick on Life Day Eve.

And – he realized as Father Life Day's identity hit him - he remembered who gave Steela the sparklemint stick.

"Arrest him," he hissed.

Tandin's eyes grew huge as the stormtroopers took him by the arms. "No, no Father Life Day's not getting arrested!" He glanced at the stormtroopers' emotionless visors. "Not in front of the children; don't take me away in front of the children."

Tarkin and the stormtroopers ignored him and bundled him off to city hall past Katooni and the elves, and past the children waiting in line who stood terrified thinking that the Empire was taking Father Life Day.

In her elf costume, Katooni had three realizations.

One: This crowd was about to get ugly, _fast._

Two: She had no more Father Life Days, no other elves, and Tarkin took her bowl of sparklemint sticks.

Three: She was the daughter of the Cashier from Hell and the Waitress from Hell. There was _always_ a way out of impossible situations.

"Mom, I need backup on the stage," Katooni whispered. "You should fit one of the costumes."

" _On my way,"_ Hero confirmed _"But it's going to take a while."_

It didn't matter how long it took Hero to get to the stage, because Katooni would be using one tactic only the entire time: stalling for time.

She cleared her throat and stepped into the middle of the stage, wiping her palms on her costume.

 _"You better watch out, you better not cry. You better not pout, I'm telling you why. Father Life Day is coming to town."_

Meanwhile, the stormtroopers plunked Tandin down into a chair in Tarkin's office.

Tarkin smiled when one of the troopers yanked down the fake beard.

"I thought I recognized you, General Tandin."

"That's _Your Highness_ to you." Since there were no children around and therefore no reason to keep in the holiday spirit, Tandin glared right back at him. "And I thought you had learned a bit about the holiday spirit, Tarkin. More specifically, I thought you'd learned not to ruin it."

"Holiday spirit," Tarkin scoffed. "If this community refuses to celebrate Empire Day then they shouldn't celebrate any holiday at all. Don't worry; I'm sure that now that we have you, the celebrations I have planned should proceed without issue."

Tandin was about to shoot back a smarmy _In your dreams_ when Tarkin gave a nod to the Stormtroopers standing guard, who wasted no time in grabbing Tandin's head and yanking his earbud from his ear.

Tarkin picked it up with his fingertips and scrutinized it before speaking into the comm.

"This is a message for General Tandin's…daughter, is it?" Tandin glared at him, which was all the answer Tarkin needed. "General Tandin's daughter. If she loves her father, she will report to city hall alone in ten standard minutes and I might consider negotiating her father's release."

…

Everyone except Katooni (who was onstage) and Hutch (who was trying to fix the lights) was together by one of the shops and they froze when Tarkin's message came through the comm.

" _She will report to city hall alone in ten standard minutes and I might consider negotiating her father's release."_

A determined look crossed Steela's face and as soon as the message was over Captain Rex reached out a hand to grab her, _fast._

"Let me go, Rex!" Steela shouted.

"Not today," Rex grunted and tried to lift his girlfriend off her feet. Steela tugged away from him only to run smack into Saw.

"If I don't get Tandin then the Empire will kill him!" She yelled.

"Yeah, and Tarkin will do God-knows-what to you!" Ahsoka jabbed a finger in her direction. "We know he hates you and he hates me, and he knows that nothing will get under Tandin's skin faster than watching him hurt you. Don't even try to tell me otherwise."

Steela knew he was right, and while she didn't like it a bit she also knew that it would be basically impossible to get past her brothers, her boyfriend, and Ahsoka. She needed to play for time until she could sneak off to city hall by herself.

"Fine!" She growled. "Fine, I won't go but we have to get him out some other way."

"Don't worry," Ahsoka said. "I have a plan, but I need you to go with Sierra and help Katooni on stage. She can't keep the crowd jolly by herself much longer."

Perfect. Being on stage with Katooni and Sierra would give Steela plenty of escape opportunities. "No, she can't. Sierra, let's go."

No answer.

"Sierra?" Lux asked, looking over his shoulder.

No answer. No Sierra.

Lux and Ahsoka locked eyes.

"Oh, force no."

"What do we do?" Saw worried.

Steela, who was already in major freakout mode because of Tandin, completely lost it and yelled "I don't know Saw, you're the oldest!"

Rex pushed his way into the circle of siblings, making sure to keep Steela on the inside away from any potential escape opportunities. "Oldest or not, there's nothing we can do except wait and find out what in Life Day's name Sierra is thinking."

…

"Miss Gerrera is the punctual type, isn't she? She'll be here in ten minutes," Tarkin said and absently traced his fingers on the desk surface.

"Don't," Tandin growled. "You hurt her when she was helpless; she's not helpless anymore. What's the point?"

Tarkin fixed him with a look. "The point is that Miss Gerrera has vital information regarding your criminal crew, the Partisans on Onderon, and the rebellion at large, and she probably knows more than you. It's far from personal, General. You know how to torture someone for information: electric shocks, beatings, dehydration." He paused. "I think we'll start with the last one. She only has one remaining kidney; how long can she last?"

He'd barely said it when someone kicked the door open and a shrill voice screamed _"LEAVE MY SISTER ALONE!"_

Tarkin and Tandin swiveled around in the voice's direction and there she was. Huffing, puffing, and red in the face from anger stood Sierra Bonteri.

"I asked for Steela Gerrera," Tarkin spat.

"No, you asked for Tandin's daughter. He has two," Sierra said, holding up two fingers. "My mom married him after my dad died. I'm his stepdaughter."

This was the biggest load of bantha poodoo Tandin had heard all day. He and Mina Bonteri were very good friends, yes, but their relationship was strictly platonic. While he may have loved Sierra and Lux like his own they were most certainly not his stepchildren. But then again, "his stepdaughter" was a grifter and Tarkin didn't have a grudge against Sierra. Maybe that was enough to keep her out of harm's way.

It didn't mean he had to like it.

"Sierra, your mother is going to kill you," he said in Onderonian, which he was willing to bet Tarkin didn't speak. "And since I'm the reason you're here, she's going to kill me as well."

"It's our best option. Tarkin technically got what he wanted," Sierra replied in the same language. "He doesn't hate me or anything, not like he hates Steela and Ahsoka."

Tarkin's ears perked at Steela's and Ahsoka's names. "I haven't lost, Miss Bonteri. Sisters tell each other everything and we already know what interrogation methods work for you."

Sierra's bravado wavered for a second. "You wanted General Tandin's daughter and now you have her. Make the switch you promised and let him be Father Life Day for the kids."

"You're not the only one who knows how to play the exact words game," Tarkin announced. "I said I would _consider_ it, and I have. My answer is no."

…

"What are we going to do?" Saw demanded. "They can grift, yeah, but Tarkin has the entire Empire on his side."

"They probably have a plan but we need to give them as many chances as we can," Lux wrung his hands for a second before looking up. "We need to get them outside."

"And how do we get them outside?"

Ahsoka had the answer. "Tarkin's the highest-ranking official on the planet. So if there's any kind of celebration, he should at least be there. And since it's the holidays, Father Life Day should be with him too."

"Okay, so what event would they come out for?"

Steela spoke up. "Nobody seems bothered that the Life Day lights aren't on. Back home, lighting them was a big deal and everyone came out to see it."

Lux nodded slowly, a smile spreading across his face.

"Hero, I need you to go knock on Tarkin's door. It's time to light this place up."

" _Wait!"_ Hutch burst in through the comm. _"I haven't finished hooking up the cords yet. I need some more time."_

"Tandin and Sierra don't have that time, Hutch. I suggest you work quickly."

…

Meanwhile, back in Tarkin's office…

The three occupants were attempting to get on each other's nerves.

Sierra was passive-aggressively eating all the candy in Tarkin's candy jar. Tandin was giving Tarkin a glare usually reserved for naughty children. Tarkin was playing Imperial propaganda songs instead of holiday tunes.

"Do you have a plan for our escape?" Tandin asked Sierra in Onderonian.

She shrugged. "My thoughts sort of ended at keeping Steela away from the Grinch here."

Of course they did. He turned a few ideas over in his head, most of which mainly involved grabbing Sierra and making a run for it, but he nixed them. It was only the three of them in the room, but he was willing to bet Tarkin had a panic button to summon a horde of troopers.

"Tarkin, have you ever heard of the Krampus?" Sierra asked out of nowhere. When he didn't reply, she went on. "My parents told me about him when I was little. If you lose the Christmas spirit, then Krampus and his minions come to punish you."

Tarkin gave her a glare of disapproval. "You expect me to be frightened by children's tales?"

"No, I expect you to be frightened of those who take the spirit of Krampus into their own hands, like Tandin does with the spirit of Father Life Day." She crossed her arms. "I doubt they'll be merciful."

Tarkin rolled his eyes and Tandin almost planted his face into the desk. _Really?_ The best Sierra could come up with was _Krampus?_

Sierra kicked him under the table and he was about to try and salvage the thread (something about stockings and coal) when the comm on the desk rang.

Tarkin didn't even look at it when he answered. "Governor Tarkin speaking."

" _Governor, everyone's gathered for the lighting ceremony. Whenever you and Father Life Day are done with your meeting we're ready for you both!"_

Tarkin furrowed his brow. "Lighting ceremony?"

" _Yes sir, it's a local tradition…"_

"I'll be right out," he snapped and hung up. "General Tandin, come with me. It looks like we have a ceremony to attend."

Tandin gestured to Sierra. "She stays with me."

"Of course." Tarkin wasn't an idiot, but he frankly had no concerns about his ability to control minimally-combat-trained Sierra Bonteri. "Right this way, both of you."

The three of them exited the town hall and walked onto the set of Father Life Day's castle.

…

When Tarkin, Tandin, and Sierra stepped onto the stage everyone breathed a collective sigh of relief.

The con men were relieved Tarkin hadn't killed their family. Katooni was relieved she didn't have to come up with any more carols to stall for time. The children were relieved that Father Life Day was coming back to hear what they wanted for Life Day. The children's parents were relieved their kids wouldn't sob all the way home because the Empire took Father Life Day.

The only person who wasn't relieved was Hutch, who could only stand by the breaker shed with a cord in each hand. He had rewired the lights as best he could, but between his lack of experience and the fact he had to rush, his only hope was that the wires for Life Day lights worked like the registers at Reddy Mart.

"Oh please," he beseeched the force and every god he knew. "Let me have just a little magic."

He closed his eyes and brought the plugs together.

And the streets flooded with light.

The crowd applauded at the light show. Tarkin took a step back, startled. How was this happening? His men had rigged the lights to explode once they were plugged in –

Sierra leaned next to him and hissed into his ear "You've just been _checked out."_

 _The hacker…_

Tarkin was about to signal his men to drag Tandin and Sierra back into town hall when a rather large elf came up on his other side and pressed something into his back.

"What is this?" Tarkin hissed.

"That's your ice heart melting," the elf replied. "Or it could be me pressing a holdout blaster into your back."

He hazarded a glance to the elf and found himself face-to-face with a scowling Saw Gerrera.

"Don't mess with my sisters," Saw growled. "If you even think about hurting Steela again, I'll feed you to fambaas bit by bit. Tandin's telling the kids he has to go back to his workshop, so no one will notice if he's not on stage anymore. And whatever you do, you can't ever take away the true meaning of Life Day."

Tarkin glared at him. "The true meaning of Life Day. What a cliché."

"Maybe it is," Sierra said over her shoulder as the three of them walked off the stage and melted into the crowd. "But you still lost."

And through all of this, Hutch could only stare in awe at his lights, which by some holiday miracle were _working._

"Honey!" He screamed. "Honey, _look!"_

…

It's pretty hard to forget about Life Day when you're with your family. The presents, the decorations, and the cheer in the air were like a haze.

When your family includes small children whose preferred method of waking their parents is jumping on their bed and screaming _"Wake up it's Life Day!"_ then it's impossible.

Ahsoka rubbed sleep from her eyes and sat up in bed. "Are you sure it's Life Day, Tav?"

"It is! Father Life Day came last night." Tav bounced on the bed again, this time going so high Ahsoka and Lux briefly feared he would hit his head on the ceiling. "Let's go! Let's go open presents."

"We have to wait for everyone," Lux reasoned and rolled out of bed to put on some clothes. "Happy Life Day, Tav and Kiara."

Kiara threw her chubby arms around his neck. "'Appy Life Day, Daddy."

…

By some miracle Lux and Ahsoka managed to keep Tav and Kiara from diving into the giant pile of presents and fed them some eggs while the others filed in.

Hutch put on holiday music. Hero fried up a huge pan of nerf bacon. Rex poured Steela's caf like he always did. Steela put jelly on Rex's toast like she always did. Saw and Sierra made jokes about a Life Day wedding. Tandin took one sip of the caf and grumbled about caf-flavored water. Mina gently hit him with a dish towel as she walked past. Katooni ran around trying to rev Molly up for the presents.

They sat around the breakfast table listening to Mina read a story from the Unifras holy books – the story that was the reason the Unifras were one of the many faiths who celebrated Life Day. Or rather, the older members listened. Tav, Kiara, Molly, and Katooni could only think about the presents.

When the story was finished, Mina closed her holobook.

"All right," she said. "What does everyone say we go and open the -?"

"PRESENTS!"

The kids were over at the presents and sorting them into piles before Mina even finished her sentence.

For the children opening presents was a flurry of activity. The little ones were ecstatic about Father Life Day's visit and Katooni, who never had Life Day presents in the Jedi Temple, was excited as someone ten years younger.

For those who were older it was a much quieter, but just as joy-filled affair. Hutch smiled at the new equipment his friends had gotten him for his computer. Hero was engrossed in her new recipe book and kitchen gizmos. Mina was placidly munching on a box of chocolates. Ahsoka snapped a new pair of wrist gauntlets into place. Lux was flipped through the pages of his new holobook. Sierra was busy testing each one of her new lipsticks on her wrist and taking notes over what aliases would wear each color. Rex took the tags off Steela's scarf while she bent his new boots to soften the leather.

When Saw was done opening his own gifts he reached under the tree and brought out a final round of packages, clumsily wrapped in flimsi.

"This is new," Steela teased. "Saw is actually buying presents instead of just putting his name on the tag."

"That was once," Saw handed her a package. "And you'll be wishing you hadn't said that. Open yours up."

Steela rolled her eyes and opened the gift package

…to reveal a brand new rifle scope she had only seen the likes of in holos.

Her jaw dropped.

Rex tore open his gift and gulped. "Is this Generation 1 plastoid armor?"

Sierra stared into her box. "Saw, these aren't knockoff boots…"

"Nor are these knockoff comlinks," Ahsoka muttered as she booted up her and Lux's new gifts.

"Saw," Steela demanded once the shock of her new rifle scope wore off, "How did you afford this?"

"I didn't," Saw said. "I didn't buy them, I mean. Steela's not the only one who can pickpocket."

…

 _"That's your ice heart melting," Saw whispered into Tarkin's ear. "Or it could be me pressing a holdout blaster into your back."_

 _Or it could also be Saw reaching into Tarkin's back pocket, removing his wallet, and putting it back in place minus Tarkin's credit card._

…..

"You charged all this to his card?" Ahsoka asked, then held her comlink out in front of her face and kissed it. "I love it even more now!"

"But what happened to Tarkin? Didn't he put a stop on his card?" Lux asked.

Saw shrugged. "He had other things to worry about because he forgot about Life Day spirit. And you know what happens to people who forget the holiday spirit."

"No way."

"Way," Saw nodded. "Krampus got him."

…

 _Meanwhile, it was a lovely day in Tarkin's personal quarters. There was not a single Life Day light or cookie crumb in sight. The speakers were devoid of holiday tunes._

If only everyone ignored the holidays like this, then the galaxy would be a much more peaceful place, _he thought. But until the Empire managed to do that, he would have to settle for a peaceful office._

 _There was a knock on his door and a secretary entered, holding a red and green wrapped box. "Delivery for you, Governor Tarkin."_

 _Tarkin resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Most of his family members understood he had nothing but contempt for Life Day, and as such ignored him, but invariably one of his relations forgot and sent him something small. With a sigh he undid the ribbon and lifted the lid from the box._

 _Millions of tiny spiders swarmed from the package, onto Tarkin's hands and up his sleeves and over his desktop. On instinct he dropped the box, but that only caused it to tip over and release yet more spiders. He could see now that it was stuffed with the shells of recently-hatched egg sacs._

 _Tarkin got to his feet and frantically brushed the baby spiders off him, ignoring the ones on the floor. He was going to have to call an exterminator, and even then he would probably be finding spiders for months._

 _And he knew exactly who would do something like this._

…

With his head held high from regaling his crew with the story, Saw basked in their applause.

"Did you really send him spiders, Uncle Saw?" Tav asked with huge eyes.

Saw's face softened. "No Tav. Father Life Day's helper did."

"Why?" Little Kiara asked absently, though she was mostly absorbed in her gifts.

Ahsoka scooped her daughter up and kissed the top of her montrals.

"Because Father Life Day's job is to make Life Day a special day for everyone," she said. "And it's our job to help him on Life Day, and on every other day of the year."

"Do you help him, Mommy?"

Ahsoka glanced around the room to her husband, her other child, and the rest of Father Life Day's most unorthodox helpers: a grifter, a thief, a hitter, a hacker, a mastermind, two mothers, and the mastermind whom she had married.

"We do, Kiara. We do."

Happy Life Day.

 **A note about the Krampus: Krampus is a demon from German folklore who punishes children who have been naughty on Christmas. And while Tarkin may not be a child, he definitely deserves a visit from Krampus.**

 **Merry Christmas to all those who celebrate it, and Happy Chanukah as well. It seems both holidays begin today this year.**

 **Until Next Time,**

 **LS**


End file.
